The fourth quarter is upon us as of today, and along with it, the mad rush that always seems to come at the end of the year. Fourth quarter is nearly always my busiest in terms of work volume–add to that the ATA conference, planning for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s, and my daughter’s mountain bike race season, and a severe case of the scatters can set in. So let’s talk about work/life balance, and an important component thereof: differentiating between the “I can’t…” mindset and the “I choose not to…” mindset.
The “I can’t…” mindset seems to be particularly common among freelancers who have young kids; I know that I spent a lot of time thinking that way when my daughter was little. Such as:
- I can’t work a full eight-hour day because my kids get home at 3
- I can’t work even close to full-time in the summer because my kids are out of school
The “I can’t…” mindset is harmful because it deflects responsibility away from the person who’s really in charge: you! And when you start to be more accepting of your own choices, you’re much less stressed and frustrated, because you realize that you’re making a deliberate choice, not being backed into a corner by forces you can’t control.
For example: when my daughter was little, I definitely felt torn between my desire to spend a lot of time with her, and my desire to run a thriving business and have a fulfilling career. But at a certain point, I had to re-examine my thinking. Was it really not true that I “couldn’t” work a full day? Or “couldn’t” work much in the summers? Answer: absolutely not; lots of people with young kids do those things, by hiring child care, or utilizing the after-school program, or trading babysitting with friends. Many people even use options that are less appealing but achieve the end result of extending the work day: putting their kids in front of the TV for several hours, or putting expenses on credit cards to pay for extra child care.
Things changed when I realized that rather than being a cork in the sea of working motherhood and work/life balance, I was making deliberate choices based on my priorities. There’s a subtle but huge difference between saying, “I can’t work full-time in the summer because my kids are out of school,” (pants on fire…plenty of kids go to camp, even sleepaway camp, and plenty more are watched by babysitters) and saying, “I choose not to work full-time in the summer so that I can spend more time with my kids.” Coincidentally, I think that making that mindset shift also frees you up to actually enjoy the time, rather than feeling pulled in a million directions.
Even if you don’t have small kids, I think it’s important to adopt the “choices” mindset. For example, I recently started working with a new client who almost immediately asked me to do some work over a weekend. It was a small amount, but it had to be done on a Saturday morning. Rather than responding with a one-time excuse (“This Saturday, I can’t. My daughter has a mountain bike race and I may not have Internet access”), I just responded firmly but factually, “In general, I don’t work on weekends. I’d be happy to do this on Friday afternoon or Monday morning. Let me know if that would work for you.” Now that this boundary is set with that client, I don’t need to discuss it again, and the client is clear on my choice.
Readers, as the year ramps up toward its always-busy end, any thoughts on what you are choosing to do, or not to do?
This year, I chose to stop work at noon on Fridays and go horseback riding . After all, isn’t the whole point of freelancing to have a better life balance? And doesn’t the commuting time I save by working from my home office add up to = a Friday afternoon off? I’m glad I made this choice which is good for my health so ultimately also good for my work quality. I start the weekend more relaxed and am able to completely disconnect until Monday morning. My afternoon off is my “kedge”, or my motivation to get everything done by Friday noon which means I’m more self-disciplined during the week. And we freelancers all need an extra dose of self-discipline…
Thanks, Ruth! That’s such a great example of how a non-work interest has motivated you to be more productive at work! Horseback riding on Friday afternoons sounds like heaven!
I have 5 year old twins and started freelancing as a translator when they were 3 years old. I managed an eight-hour day and free time for my kids and me in the afternoons by getting up 4 o’clock in the morning and getting to bed early at nights. As long as you manage to get between 7 to 8 hours sleep, getting up that early does not affect your work. Also working in the morning has the great advantage of perfect silence and no distractions. When my kids woke up, I had breakfast with them and then brought them to the Kindergarten. Since a couple of month I hired someone to bring the kids to school and help me out with the house work, which is also extra time I can spend with my kids and taking some time out for me too, for example I try to go to the gym at least 3 times a week and now I get up at 5 am. Of course this is an option that not everyone can afford, but there are a lot of other options. For example in Germany there is a network of voluntary “grandparents” and other people that dedicate their time to children for free http://www.leihomas-leihopas.de/
In Spain we have 3 month summer holidays, so this is a challenge to any family where both of the parents are working. I think that freelancers here have the great advantage that they do not depend on the decisions of a boss or the circumstances of a company to adapt their working hours. Like most kids, my kids also attended a summer school, which they love because it is all about having fun with other kids and water parties. I reduce my working hours to 6 because it is simply too hot to go to bed early. In August, a month I do not receive too much work anyway, we take one month for vacations, which we spend in Germany with family and friends. This way I can work productively in summer and enjoy the free time with my family.
Thanks, Jelena! Those examples are really great and helpful. I like your story of shifting your work hours: I think that part of the “I choose to…” mindset is adopting practices that might not work for everyone, but that work for you. Awesome job!
Thank you for the great article, Corinne! Like you, I am gradually moving from the “I can’t…” to “I choose not to…” mindset. As a freelancer, I choose to stick to my own schedule and to adapt it to my family’s needs.
Thanks, Oleg!
What a good article Corinne. It’s so reassuring to see that other freelance translators feel this way and manage to find a way to make things work. I started in full time freelance translation only a couple of years ago and still find it very hard to manage work when school summer/half-term holidays approach, and then feel so guilty about it whatever arrangement I make… Thank you, your words are, as usual, very reassuring.
Thanks, Greta! Glad you enjoyed the post. I agree that the emotional part (feeling torn between a job that you love, and your family who you certainly love) is always hard. My daughter is 15 and I still feel that way! But I think that the “this is my choice” mindset can really help.
Thanks for an interesting post, Corinne!
I have had our two kids in the afterschool program in the elementary school. I’d prefer shorter days for them but it has been the only way to keep the business going. When they were in a very expensive preschool, I sometimes had to work very late (after their bedtime) to make ends meet. But it was the only way to keep my business going. I don’t miss those days much.
Thankfully, I never had to resort to this desperate move: “putting expenses on credit cards to pay for extra child care.” Unless you pay your credit cards in full every month, they are just a very expensive way to accumulate debt. I (and my wife) work hard to avoid carrying a credit-card balance.
Thanks, Tapani! Great to hear from a guy on this topic! I agree with you about credit card debt!
Corinne, sorry, for this belated reply, but I find this article really helpful and have been recommending it to various colleagues, and the other day one of them said, “Yes, but what do you tell your clients – that you ‘can’t’ or that you ‘choose not to’?” I think that’s a great question and I was wondering what your advice would be. Sometimes I feel there’s educational value in letting clients know that I’m not a robot and my work/life balance is important to me – on the other hand, saying “Thanks for your request and sorry, but I choose not to” is probably not a great business move…
Hi Silke, thanks for your comment. Great question: my standard phrasing is “Unfortunately, I’m not available.” It’s not really the client’s concern whether I’m busy with another project, or I have something scheduled, or I just choose not to be working at that time. “I’m not available” covers all of that. The one exception I make is when I want to make a further-reaching statement, such as, “I don’t generally work on weekends.” But I agree, “I choose not to” or “It’s not a priority” are things you want to say to yourself, not necessarily to a client!